Up until recently, having children scared me. The thought of raising an child to hopefully one day become an independent adult was a real, scary thought. However, since finding out that this little he/she/it (say that really fast) is in my stomach, I have realized that it is a privilege to rear a child. I also keep thinking how neat it is that Heavenly Father entrusts the husband and I to teach this child correct principles, values, and to nourish them physically and spiritually. It makes me feel indebted to God that he trusts me to be a mother.
Though at the same time, I keep wondering why I signed up to be a female in heaven. I thought pregnancy would be an absolute joy, but it's not. What husband and I have learned is that the first trimester, and perhaps the whole pregnancy, is the worst in the history of EVER. I have never been so sick in my life. I have been throwing up constantly. From IV's to Anti-Nausea medicine, everyone keeps telling me that it will all be worth it in the end once they place the little nugget in your arms. I just keep telling them (secretly, in my head of course) to shut up!! I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet.
I find myself getting frustrated. I tend to think that tomorrow I'll feel better. Tomorrow comes and I feel just as sick. My mother-in-law never got sick when she was pregnant and I look at her and wish I could say the same one day, "I loved being pregnant." Throughout this, I have gained a greater appreciation for my own mother. How did she get through her pregnancies, being so sick, especially when there were other kids around. I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T EVEN GET THROUGH THIS ONE! So, mom, you amaze me.
I puke. I feel so tired. My breasts hurt. I pee all the time. Acne is out of control. I cry over nothing. I am having really bad sciatic pain. I feel like I have permanent bruising on my arm from getting IV's. I'm so abnormally tired. I have gross tasting saliva in my mouth. I crave the strangest things…fish tacos…and then next thing I know, they are regurgitating out of my mouth. Talk about a bad taste! There have been so many days where I have just hung out in the bathroom with my blanket, right next to the toilet.
And ohhh, my poor husband. He has been the dishwasher, the laundry doer, the clothes folder, the bathroom cleaner. He does the grocery shopping and never fails to get the 12 pack of sprite each week that I desperately need. I feel that I can't contribute to anything because I can't really do anything. Pregnancy is over taking my life! I then start to feel down about myself and find that getting depressed is easy as ABC and 1-2-3.
The only thing I can contribute is attempting to take my progesterone, folic acid, and gigantic pre-natal pills every night. Darkness comes and there my sweet hubby is, coaching me through, trying to distract me, so I don't throw the pills back up. It's like running an emotional marathon every night. There have been numerous occasions where I just sit and cry to the husband because I think, "I CAN NOT DO THIS. I DON'T WANT TO BE PREGNANT. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO SICK? STOP MAKING ME SICK CHILD!!" The hubs just listens and rubs my back. But then, I have the thought, "I wouldn't have given you a child if I thought you couldn't handle this." So, then I feel somewhat comforted that I will get through this someway, somehow. But it's hard.
From all the women I have talked to, some women experience only part of these symptoms. Others experience none. And the lucky ones, such as myself, just get them all. Anyways, while I experience this trauma, I often find myself pleading with God to let me have a good, healthy baby and an easy delivery. Since my whole spine is fused, I can't get an epidural. This means, I have no choice but to give birth naturally. "Dear God, please make up for my pregnancy sickness (and my fused back) and let my delivery be easy!! Oh please, oh please!!"
Well, if you have any suggestions to help reduce some of my pain and sickness, please let me or the husband know. Let me rephrase that, let us know AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Thanks! Even though there are lots of things that I have not liked about being pregnant, the most important thing is that we are truly excited to have a baby.
(I guess I should mention there are a few positive things about pregnancy. My nails are growing really fast. My hair is a bit thicker. Seeing the baby on the ultrasound and listening to the heartbeat was surreal. However, so far, the cons outweigh the pros and my opinion of pregnancy is very negative.)
3 comments:
Michelle you are a CHAMP! I'm rooting for you girl, you're almost halfway there after all! When are you finding out the gender? I can't wait to hear!
Michelle, I know EXACTLY what you guys are going through and Brian probably knows exactly what your husband is going through. Talk to your doctor about if you have HG. Or you And your husband Can read about it to give you an idea of the possibilities you may have to suffer your whole pregnancy and maybe after. Im sorry to say that there is not much you can do except taking it day by day. I was stick from day one until a month AFTER I delivered Audree. :( I don't tell you that too frighten you, but to help you understand that if you have what i had then you may have to endure longer than hoped. :( I completely agree that pregnancy SUCKS bad! i seriously can't believe i did it 3 times. But here are a few things that helped me.
My Husband is number one! I remember having to sleep in the tub probably my whole pregnancy and Brian was right there with me, holding my hair up, holding me, listening to me cry, telling me i was strong, saying that he loved me and appreciated that i was going through this for our little baby.
IV's, sounds funny but when i got iv's i actually got a tiny burst of little energy because i felt my body actually receiving something and not throwing it up.
Tell your dr exactly how you feel and tell her you had a friend with HG and you are going through the same thing and ask your options.
Get a massage and pedicure.sounds funny but you don't realize how tense your body gets because of all the things you're going through, it'll help relieve some body stress.
Get blessings whenever you feel like it. If You don't feel like you have the strength then ask for a blessing.
Moral support with people who understood Is great. Those that can sympathize with you can understand that you don't want to hear "it'll be worth it when you hold that baby" Cause at the moment that's not really what you can feel. Okay babbling there...Sorry but having someone to talk to who understands was huge.
STOP taking the prenatal pills and try taking the chewy ones. Those made me less sick and i could actually hold those down. Was impossible to hold the pills down.
As far as the sciatic nerve, go see a chiropractor and get adjusted. That's what i had to do every couple weeks. But make sure you tell them about your back problems...cause it may not be safe for you.I'm not sure. Heating bag also really helped along with blankets and pillows for support.
I am really sorry this pregnancy is SO hard! I seriously don't wish this upon anyone and why some go through it and some don't i don't understand. All i can say is that i understand, and that God didn't just suffer for our sins, but he also suffered for your pregnancy and he understands. Look to Him, you're husband, and women who understand for comfort and support. Sometimes feeling love from others is the only thing that can help That day. I hope you feel better soon! You are doing a hard thing, but your pain and suffering will not be in vain. You are an amazing woman to do this for one of Heavenly Fathers children. Please let me know if i can help in anyway. My number is 8019465788. Call, text, or whatever if you ever need anything...even if it's just a listening ear. :)
Love ya!
Thank you Brooke and Mele for the comments! It helps so much having support while going through something so tough. I think the most frustrating part, is people kept saying that pregnancy was great, but then getting so sick, I realized it hasn't been. I have been to a massage therapist for my back and it is doing a little better. I also have ended up getting B6 shots and they have been doing wonders! The IV's helped my dehydration, but the B6 shots are helping so much withs sickness. I am not feeling 100%, but I think if I continue the shots, I will continue to feel energy and less sick. That's the only thing that helped with my mom when she was pregnant, and I think I'm just following in her footsteps with everything I'm experiencing! Again, thank you for the support! It helps so much!
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